Do you feel communication is failing in your relationship? Are you sometimes walking on eggshells not saying what you really want to? Are there major issues that have never been resolved? Do you feel stuck or lonely in the relationship? Well let us consider two factors that can change all of that. And you don’t need to take it personally nor does you partner. These two factors are the Environment the relationship is in and the Dynamic taking place, or that which has developed over time as it does change.
If one of you has a very stressful job, if one of you travels a lot and is away, if there are challenging family issues to deal with, if there are financial problems or a Grindr factor – then this is the environment the relationship is in. Change the environment and positive relationship changes can happen with the free air created. How exciting!
By taking a helicopter view of the environment factors in the relationship a couple is able to see what needs to change, without taking it too personally. Be brave. Maybe that job really has to go primarily because a couple with little time together can’t build a relationship together.
THE DYNAMIC FACTOR
The other factor to think about is the dynamic that exists in the relationship. The dynamic operating in any relationship takes many forms. It can be the way each partner perceives the other. For instance a perception that the partner cannot organise anything well and is hopeless with money. If that perception is embedded then that filter is in place to see that behaviour repeated all the time. Change the perception to, “he is such a loyal and trusting friend and he truly loves me “, and the dominant previous perception fades.
The dynamic factors can also take the form of casual financial bullying (asking the price of everything), uneven power in making decisions, the tone used when discussing issues, the way couples argue (fighting fair is a skill), the absence of love language or a lost sense of respect for each other.
Couples taking an analytical look at the dynamic in place – what works and what does not, allow changes to begin without taking it personally. Changing the dynamic even slightly breathes fresh air into what was a stuck relationship.
When two important relationship factors, environment and dynamic, are challenged new things happen. Employing creativity with a positive sense of “What Else” is an exciting place to be and wonderful to witness in couples prepared to take new risks. After all life without risk is no life at all.