Entries by Gerry North

INTIMACY AND SEX ARE NOT ALWAYS THE SAME

Gay couples come to see me to explain that the spark has gone as there is little sex in their relationship and now there are shared feelings of a lack of intimacy. This is despite living together, enjoying each others company, socializing together with friends and family, sharing loved pets, planning holidays together and having […]

SINGLE AND GAY CAN BE TOUGH

SINGLE SELF-TALK So you are single gay and you have really tried to find a hunky partner but now you have concluded it is never going to happen. It is very natural to commence the blame game and take the whole thing personally, beating your self up with thoughts like, “I am not interesting or […]

STALE GAY RELATIONSHIP CURE

Couples that have been together for a long time eventually develop entrenched behaviour patterns that can make their relationship stale, boring but very safe. Two become one with every little decision, everything is compromised and resentment takes hold. That unspoken resentment can take the form of sabotaging the other later. For instance one partner might […]

DO WE REALLY NEED IT ALL AS GAY MEN?

DO WE REALLY NEED IT ALL AS GAY MEN? I’m presently reading Velvet Rage, which I highly recommend for all gay men, which highlights the subject of gay shame and our constant need for validation from the world. Coming out in a straight rewarding world is difficult for most of us. Then comes the next […]

KEEPING SECRETS RUINS RELATIONSHIPS

KEEPING SECRETS RUINS RELATIONSHIPS Are you tempted to check his or her phone, email or Facebook account? If you are thinking about doing it, the relationship is already in trouble. You are tempted to do this because you have strong feelings the partner is keeping secrets from you. Is it okay to check your partner’s […]

COMBATING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

NEGATIVE STORIES WE TELL OURSELVES   In our heads we construct and maintain narratives (stories) about ourselves and other people all the time. These stories are constructed from past events, often dramatized or exaggerated over time, and then replayed continuously. They go round and round like a record. These continuous negative stories stop us seeing […]

MANAGING ANXIETY WITH ACCEPTANCE

DEALING WITH ANXIETY BY ACCEPTANCE Anxiety is a feeling that is common to us all and in fact we wouldn’t get out of bed in the morning without feeling compelled to do something with the day ahead. But what happens if your anxiety is really high about everything all the time? Well the best thing […]